Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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