I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
