Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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