8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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