you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
