Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
