yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
