It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
