so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
