Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
