I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
