My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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