Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
