There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
