Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
