i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
