remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
