shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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