I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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