I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I had to cum in my sink.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize