My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
