So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize