Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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