like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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