Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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