im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
