Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
