so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
