Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
