His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
