Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize