Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
