Kiss
Puke
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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