I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
