Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
