if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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