Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
