Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
