We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
