mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
