Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize