omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
