i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
