you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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