That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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