Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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