how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
