He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
