I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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