you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
