I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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