I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
