wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
