I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
