I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
