Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
