it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
