I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I sprained my soul last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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