don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
