I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She announced her abortion via fbk
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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