You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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