she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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