Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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