at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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