I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
