on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
