I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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