his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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